Now that November's over...

I don't know its origins exactly, but over the last few years many of my Facebook friends have participated in "Thirty Days of Thanks" during the month of November.  It simply entails posting something for which you are grateful each day.

When I declared that I would be sharing a "grateful thought" each day, it had slipped my mind that November, and therefore the Thirty Days of Thanks, was right around the corner.  So I took the opportunity to let myself off the gratitude hook.  I did post a few times during the month, but I didn't hold myself to the daily posts I originally intended.

I realize that seems a bit counter intuitive.  Shouldn't November be the month I give special attention to the maintenance of a grateful heart?  Well, yes.  And I did.  But I was able to do it vicariously through all of you who participated in the thankful phenomenon.  You see, the point of this exercise is to remind myself to thank the Lord for the blessings in my life, even on days I may have to search a little harder to find them.  Eleven months out of the year, I need the accountability of posting a grateful thought to Facebook or this blog.

But in the month of November, I didn't need the nudge to remember to find the blessings.  You all reminded me every day to look for things for which to be grateful.  Every morning as I read through my newsfeed, I'd find myself resonating with others' posts and giving a hearty "Amen!"

Alas, November is gone, and I will be resuming my (semi-)daily grateful posts.  And to kick off the first day of December, I'm grateful for all of you who did participate in the Thirty Days of Thanks.  I was encouraged and blessed.

It's a good thing he's cute.

Oy!  What. A. Day.

This morning I was feeding Owen in our bed before we got up to start the day. He had a major poop explosion... in our bed. (Remember how we just had our mattress replaced less than a month ago?)

I carried Owen over to his Pack-n-Play/changing table to clean him up. When I flipped him over to clean the poop off his back, he puked into his crib. And not just onto the sheet-covered mattress, but also into the mesh siding of the Pack-n-Play. That's super-easy to clean.

Time to call for back-up. Josh took a clean but naked Owen over to the bed while I began cleaning the mess. Before Josh could get a diaper on him, Owen released his (apparently) very full bladder onto our bed.

We went onto have a nice day.  I, of course, did laundry. We went out for a walk and saw lots of cute little Trick-or-Treaters.

This evening I prepared a bedtime bath for Owen. As soon as I put him in the water, he gave me some strong indications that he was about to poop. (I've learned from experience!) Josh ran over with a diaper, and we got Owen out of the kitchen sink and into a diaper as quickly as possible. Success!!

We wrapped Owen in a towel and gave him a few minutes to take care of business. During that time, he puked onto his towel and pooped out of his diaper.  As I was taking the ineffective diaper off to {finally} bathe him, he peed on our ottoman, living room rug, and his father's leg.

Owen is now sleeping soundly. Josh is taking his second shower today. I am so tired, but so glad that this constitutes a "bad day" for me. So many in this city had truly bad days today. I am blessed!

He's not an ugly girl!

Today's grateful thought stems from the last few weeks before Owen arrived.  Owen was born at 41 weeks and one day gestation.  To say that I was anxious for his arrival would be quite the understatement.  Truthfully, the last few weeks before he was born were very trying for me.  Yes, I was excited to meet my baby soon and wanted that day to come quickly.  But I was also just tired of being huge and swollen and not being able to lie flat because of heartburn.  I was a crabby, grouchy mess the last two weeks. 

I knew that my crabby heart was sinful, and that was when I really began making a conscious effort to focus on the things for which I should feel gratitude.  I reminded myself what a privilege it was to even be pregnant, and that it wasn't long ago that we weren't sure I would ever get to experience this.  I thought of how many babies are born too early and how those mamas would love to be in my shoes.  (That one really got me.)  I remembered that I had asked for enough time to get my home in order before Owen's arrival, and the Lord had been faithful in granting me sufficient time and then some.

I also came to a conclusion that the best thing I could do was focus my mind on something other than the fact that I was still pregnant.  That was not an easy thing to accomplish, and it certainly wasn't made any easier by the well-meaning questions from loved ones (and strangers) of "How are you feeling?", "Any signs it's getting closer?", "When are you gonna have that baby already?"  So  I became a bit of a recluse: I avoided Facebook, phone calls, text messages, and going out. 

But of all the comments and questions, the one that haunted me the most was, "You're having a girl, aren't you?"  Not once, not twice, but three times within one week, complete strangers assumed I was carrying a girl, one of whom was a medical doctor.  Perhaps I wouldn't have been as concerned had the sonographer been able to assure us of her certainty.  However, at the 20 week gender-reveal ultrasound, the technician just casually muttered, "It's a boy."  I wasn't even sure what she had said, so she repeated "It's a boy."  "Oh!" I exclaimed.  "Definitely a boy?"  Her response was: "No, I never say definitely."  Great.

I was sharing my concerns with my friend and mother-of-four Jena, who attempted to reassure me by reminding me that we had the definitive ultrasound picture of his boy-ness, didn't we?  Um... no.  They didn't print that picture for us, just head shots.  Hmm...

So in the midst of all my crabbiness those final weeks, I now also had internal angst that whenever this baby finally decides to come out, it's going to be a girl.  Don't misunderstand, we would rejoice that we had a daughter.  The problem was that we had nothing for a girl, no name, no clothes, no... nothing!

Once my due date passed, my doctor sent me for an ultrasound to ensure the baby was still thriving in utero.  Thankfully, the technician confirmed that Owen is, indeed, a boy.  Phew!  However she also told us she believed he was over nine pounds (which was not accurate, thankfully!), and then printed these lovely pictures for us:

Seriously?  I was so disturbed by the deformed-looking baby in the pictures, and even more disturbed that I didn't even think my own child was cute.  "I'm going to be a horrible mother, and my kid's going to be ugly."  (After Owen was born, I was relieved to see that he is indeed quite cute.  He just doesn't always photograph well.... *Ahem, he gets that from his father*)

Ten Days of Owen and Gratitude

Josh and I are so happy to announce that Owen Joshua Stahley made a grand debut last Monday, September 17, 2012, at 8:02 am.  He weighed 8 lbs. 7 oz. and was 20.5" long.

His arrival was amazing and crazy.  I'm still processing it all (with lots of help from Josh, as there are many details that I don't remember).  I'll give you all the gory details at some point. (I know, I know!  I still haven't even finished telling you our adventures in infertility.  It's coming.  Promise!)

What I do remember is that for the first several days, Josh and I kept saying to each other "I'm just so grateful {for ____, that _____ didn't happen, for how _____ worked out}!"  We both see the Lord's sovereignty in the major and seemingly-minor details surrounding Owen's birth.

We are elated and blessed (and tired)!  But we also know that hard days and sleepless nights are ahead, as well as a few behind.  I want to remember the overwhelming gratitude I feel now.  I want to remember how good the Lord has been, even in the sometimes mundane and small blessings of life.

So I've decided to keep a daily log of the things for which I'm grateful.  So far it's just been a log on my phone, which has been great to reflect over during 3:00 am feedings.  But I wanted to make the log public for several reasons, mainly that I need the accountability to remember to keep a grateful heart during difficult seasons.

So here's my goal:  Each day I'll share at least one thing for which I am grateful, even if some days are more "silver lining" kind of days.  Sometimes it may be short and sweet, and I'll just post it to Facebook.  Other days may require more explanation, so I'll post it here and link to the blog via Facebook.  Some will be vague; others will likely be specific.  And, as my blogging consistency indicates, there will surely be days that I forget or don't have a chance to post anything, and I'll have to play catch-up (as I'm about to do below).

Owen is ten days old today! So, without further adieu, here are the first ten things that have caused my heart to burst with gratitude:

Day One: Owen is finally here!  He is happy and healthy, and by the grace of God (truly!), I was able to have the birth experience I wanted.  Labor progressed (quickly!) without any of the major interventions we had hoped to avoid, while still utilizing the interventions we had decided were prudent in ensuring mine and Owen's safety.

Day Two: I feel so great!  Honestly, everything about pregnancy was harder than I thought it would be, including getting pregnant, carrying a baby, and labor and delivery.  But, recovery?  Now that has been a walk in the park in comparison.  I'm so grateful that I feel well enough to thoroughly enjoy having my sweet baby home with us.

Day Three: I'm grateful for Facebook.  {Silly, I know.}  It's such an easy and effective way to keep our friends and family updated with information and pictures, as well as seek advice from other parents, and keep up with the lives of our loved ones.

Day Four: When Owen was four days old, we took him to our pediatrician, where we learned that he had already regained his birth weight (which usually takes 10-14 days).  I'm grateful for such a healthy eater, especially after concerns in the hospital about his diaper production (a problem that has undoubtedly been resolved!).  

And speaking of birth weight....

Day Five:  I'm grateful that the last ultrasound I had a few days before Owen was born was WRONG. He was predicted to be "over nine pounds" (the technician) or "at least high eights" (the doctor).  While 8.7 lbs certainly wasn't a breeze, I'm really grateful that it was JUST 8.7 lbs.

Day Six:  My mom is here!  She arrived Friday and has been a tremendous help!  It's her first visit to NYC, but she is sacrificially spending most her time inside our apartment (or, more accurately, in our laundry room!).  Owen loves spending time with his Neanie, and I have a feeling she's pretty fond of him too.

Day Seven: Owen attended his first church service.  The Lord is working in the hearts of many people in our church, and we were blessed to celebrate baptism this past Sunday.  It was very exciting day for All Soul's Christian Church!  I'm grateful that the Lord is at work at All Soul's, and I'm grateful that Owen slept through most of it.

(on the front steps of the church building)

Day Eight:  In addition to gratitude that the Lord is calling people to repentance, I'm also incredibly grateful for the friendships we have formed with the body of All Soul's.  Our friends, the Gahagans, brought us a delicious meal Monday night.  In fact, we ate on the leftover for two more days!  We're very grateful for people who love us in practical ways!

Day Nine:  (So, this is more of a silver lining kind of day....)  In spite of my efforts to deny the validity of the thermometer screen, I ran a low-grade fever all weekend.  By Tuesday, we decided a trip to the doctor was in order.  Prior to our recent move, traveling to my doctor's office wasn't terribly inconvenient.  But now our options are: an hour and fifteen minute subway ride... each way... when it was just me going for appointments; or drive, which involves traffic, a toll bridge, and a major parking headache at our apartment.  (Another option would be a cab, which I tried at my last prenatal appointment, without success.)  All four of us headed out to the doctor's office, I endured a highly unpleasant exam, and we left without any definite answers.  The entire escapade lasted 5 hours.

Alright, time for the silver lining:  Owen was a champ!  He loves his stroller and the subway.  Nearly all the subway stations we used were stroller friendly.  But thankfully, my studly husband has no trouble lifting that Joovy Caboose (with our precious cargo soundly sleeping inside) and toting it up and down the subway steps.  And my fever is gone, and I'm still feeling great!

Day Ten:  I just clipped my own toenails.  Sometimes it really is the little things that can bring great joy.

An Update to My Previous Update

Wow!  You guys.... Thanks so much for the prayers!  This week has been such a roller coaster, but the Lord has certainly proven Himself faithful!

This morning, I asked you to pray for us today as we headed out with our broker in search of an apartment.  I also whined about a fantastic condo that we didn't get.  Well, we never made that meeting with our broker, and we didn't see a single apartment today.  Twenty-two minutes after I posted that first blog, our broker called....

Let me try to explain a little more about how the whole process works:  As I mentioned in the last post, a condo is different than a typical apartment building in that each condo is owned by an individual who either lives in the condo himself or leases it to tenants.  The condo building as a whole is managed by a condo board.

So in our particular situation, there are three parties involved:
-the owners (a married couple) and their agent (a real estate broker)
-the condo board (people who own condos in that building and live there) and their agent (a management company)
-us and our agent, Sarah

And the here's how the process typically goes:
-An owner decides to lease their condo
-The owner hires a broker to list and show the condo to prospective tenants
-The prospective tenants fill out an application and are approved by the owner
-The prospective tenants and owner jointly file a lease proposal to the management company for the condo board's approval
-The condo board approves the tenants

In God's sovereignty, someone made a mistake in the process and our paperwork ended up with the management company and condo board before the owners approved us.  This turned out to be fantastic for us!

In spite of all the paperwork, reference letters, pay stubs, tax returns, bank statements, and credit reports, the owners declined to approve our application.  Thankfully, the condo board and management company had seen our paperwork.  They got wind that the owners had denied us and called them to strongly suggest that wasn't a wise decision.  We're told that a representative from the management company informed the owners that we would be residents in that building one way or another, and if that owner didn't want to lease to us they could find another owner who did!

Also, on the day we first saw the condo (a week ago today), we just so happened to see a woman about my age coming out of the building pushing a double stroller with twin boys.  I stopped and chatted with her about the building, neighborhood, what she thought of it all.  We didn't know it at the time, but she is on the condo board!  So when she saw our application and heard we weren't approved, she went to bat for us, telling the owners that they really should reconsider us.

We've been waiting and praying all day.  We just received official word from our broker that the owners have decided to approve us!  We meet next week to sign the lease, and will hopefully be moved in sometime next week!  Thank you all for the prayers, texts, and comments!  We are so grateful for this good gift from our Father.  Great is Thy Faithfulness, O Lord, to us!

"Traci and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week"

Oh, where to begin?  Apologies are in order {again!} for my pathetic lack of commitment to keeping this blog updated.  I do have aspirations of being a consistent blogger.  I even have a list of blog post ideas (like a real physical list, not just in my head!).  But it always seems that there is something on my to-do list more important and more pressing than blogging.  Josh and I know we have friends and family *somewhere out there* who love us and pray for us and do actually want to hear how things are going in our lives and ministry.  But the physical distance makes it easy to forget, and keeping you all updated seems less important than it should.  We're sorry.  Will you please forgive us?

Here's the children's book version of my week:

We found a condo that we love... but the owner said "no."  That was mean.

And even though we have nowhere to go, we still have to move out of our current apartment SOON.

I'm 8 months pregnant.  This is my second move during this pregnancy.  When I spend all day packing, I start having contractions.

I had to go to the laundromat, because I had to pack my hospital bag, because it needs to be ready and accessible, because I may go into labor mid-move, because I have contractions just from packing.

It was storming when I went to the laundromat.  Man-hole covers are slippery when wet.  Skint knees hurt more as a grown-up than they do when you're a kid.

THE END

If you'd like the more sophisticated version:

A few of you are aware, and many probably aren't, that Josh and I are moving at the end of this month.  The Lord has granted us an amazing partnership with an existing church on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.  Hopefully, Josh or I will write more details soon explaining how strategic and exciting this arrangement is, but  for now, know that we are extremely grateful to the Lord for his provision.  Josh will preach the next two Sundays and begin teaching weekly classes in August.

The biggest hurdle to this partnership is that it is an hour's commute for us each way via public transportation.  We considered moving into a neighborhood that would put us closer to the congregation we're serving.  We sought wisdom regarding the timing of the move: Is it better to move 8 months pregnant or with a one-month old? We explored the possibility with our current landlord and bank accounts.  And it seemed the Lord was opening the doors for this move to happen at the end of July.

Our broker (also a friend from church) spent several days showing us apartments.  We continued to pray for wisdom regarding the needs for our family, our ministry, and our finances.  Then one day, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and we walked into the *perfect* place.  It had everything we wanted in an apartment... and so much more!  An elevator building with smart-card laundry, big closets (comparatively!), hardwood floors, full-size stainless steel kitchen appliances, granite countertops, marble bathroom, trash compactor right outside our door for all the dirty diapers, beautiful gated courtyard entrance, air-conditioning(!!!), close to two subway lines, close to the park and the library.  We couldn't believe the price-- significantly less than what we currently pay.  The catch is: it's a condo, not an apartment.  That means each unit is owned by an individual, while the building as a whole is managed by a condo board.  It also means that it is harder to be approved as a tenant.  We spent days gathering and providing documentation that we are fine, upstanding citizens with spotless credit and more-than-sufficient income.  We have recommendation letters from employers and landlords that could get us elected to public office.  But in the end, the owners were just too skeptical of Josh's out-of-state income, and we were declined.

It was hard news to hear.  We have 90% of our apartment in boxes.  We have other tenants moving in to this apartment on August 1st.  We {I} have a uterus that likes to contract when I push myself physically.

But it was also good news to hear.  Josh reminded me that we can trust our Father's love and care for us.  We know there will be times we tell our son "no" to something that he desperately wants.  He may cry and be confused, maybe even angry with us.  But we will persist in our decision because we have more knowledge and wisdom than he does, and because we love him enough to want to protect him from things he may be unable to see.  So we rest in knowing that God is the Perfect Father who is infinitely wise, and He gives good gifts to His children.  We rest in knowing that He is the Creator and Owner of every inch of the universe, including every inch on New York City.  We know that He controls the heart of the king, and certainly the hearts of owners and landlords.

The Lord has continued to shape and sanctify me as I consider what my children's lives will be like.  When we lived in Birmingham preparing to move to NYC, I would cry every time I drove past one of the places selling outdoor playhouses and swing sets.  I knew my kids would likely never have one of those, because my kids wouldn't have a backyard.  The Lord (and my husband) worked me through that, and I accepted that my kids would just have to be content with Central Park and The American Museum of Natural History.  Ha!

Then we found out we were pregnant a week after moving here.  I began referencing all the magazine pages of nursery inspiration that I had saved for a decade. (Remember the pre-Pinterest days?)  But I quickly realized that I was in NYC now.  My baby wouldn't have a nursery.  He would have a corner in his dad's office.  I guess kids can grow up to be healthy contributing members of society even without a perfectly themed nursery to begin their lives, right?

And now I'm just a few days away from being "full-term," and we're staring homelessness in the face.  (Ok, that's a bit dramatic.  That statement probably belongs in the children's book version of this story.)  I have received an unusual number of requests for my mailing address lately.  So if you're one of the people who has emailed asking for my address, I'm not ignoring you... I just don't know the answer!

Would you pray for us?  We are heading back out with our broker today to start over at square one.  Please pray that the Lord leads us to the apartment that HE has decided suits our needs.  Please pray he leads us and our broker there quickly.  Pray for favor with  landlords, management companies, and all other parties involved.  Pray for a smooth and quick move, and that labor doesn't begin until after the move is complete!  Pray for Josh, as he needs time to prepare and rest before preaching.  Most of all, pray that the Gospel is evident in the way we conduct ourselves and that we would recognize and declare the faithfulness of God in this story.

We are grateful for your consistent love and prayers, even thought we are terribly inconsistent in keeping you informed.  We love you all!

NYC Newsletter #10

Hello again from NYC, where we have been enjoying the pleasant surprises of unseasonably warm weather and the cultural sports phenomenon that is Lin-sanity (Google it if you don't know what I'm talking about)!  We've continued to adjust to our new home, the experience of first trimester pregnancy, and the dynamics of ministry here in a global city.  There is so much that we could say, but in this letter I want to focus on one of the stark realities that God has impressed on us over this past month. That reality is the tremendous need for the gospel in this great city.  New York City is one of the most un-churched cities in the United States.  About 2.3% of the eight million plus people in this city claim to believe the basics of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  In our borough, the borough of Queens, those numbers are even lower.  One pastor here in western Queens really brought this truth home to me.  He put it this way: "If every church in Queens added one thousand members overnight, that would still leave over 1.5 million un-churched people in Queens alone...roughly the population of the entire city of Philadelphia."  To be completely honest, it is sometimes difficult not to feel overwhelmed by the need in a city like this.  The effects of sin and brokenness and societal disintegration confront you at every turn, from the homeless family huddling for warmth in the subway station to the elites bowing down to the idols of money and sex and power. Tim Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church, once said, "In cities you have more of the image of God per square inch than any other place on earth."  That is absolutely true, because in cities you have more people per square inch than any other place on earth.  However, it is also true that in cities you have more human pain and sin and brokenness per square inch than anywhere else on earth, because you have more people in need of redemption.  Those were realities that we had known cognitively, but have just started to feel existentially. So, how can you pray?   Pray that God would give us eyes to see the need around us and hearts of compassion to weep over it.  As Jesus was moved to compassion when he saw the crowds, because they were like sheep without a shepherd, pray that we would be able to extend that same compassion to others.  Pray that our compassion would not be mere word or sentiment, but that we would find ways to tangibly serve and love the needy among us. Pray especially that God would open more doors for the proclamation of the gospel, which announces God's great mercy toward us.  He has already opened some unexpected doors for us to share the gospel with people here in Astoria.  Pray that the gospel bears fruit in the lives of these people and pray for more doors to be opened.  While the task of planting a church in a largely post-Christian context is daunting, we have great confidence, knowing that the gospel is the power of God for salvation (Rom. 1:16).  Pray that the incorruptible, imperishable seed of the gospel would fall on good soil and bear fruit for the glory of God (Mark 4:1-20; 1 Pet. 1:23). Please Remember to Pray for these Ongoing Requests... Pray that we continue to develop deep, meaningful relationships with our neighbors.  We continue to meet people in our immediate neighborhood and in the broader community, but we are asking God to give us deeper friendships with people.  Pray that God would give us opportunities to display and declare the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Pray also that we would be faithful to live the kind of lives that cause people to ask a reason for the hope that is within us (1 Pet. 3:15). Pray that we would continue to develop relationships...and possibly partnerships...with other churches and church planters in NYC.  One of the things that we love about NYC is the ethos of unity and Kingdom-mindedness that pervades the gospel-preaching churches in this city.  Pray that God would create more and more opportunities for us to work with these other churches for the advancement of the gospel. Pray for "persons of peace."  In Luke 10, Jesus sends his disciples out to proclaim the Kingdom of God.  If a "son of peace" received them, they were to stay and invest in that person, but if not, they were to move on (Lk. 10:6-7).  When Paul proclaimed the gospel in Philippi (Acts 16), we find that the the Holy Spirit led him to both a "daughter of peace" (Lydia) and a "son of peace" (the Philippian jailer).  Both Lydia and the jailer not only became converts, but immediately used their networks of relationships to spread the gospel to others.  Likewise, we are asking the Lord to lead us to men and women of peace, to "open their hearts" to the gospel (Acts 16:14), to use us to invest in them, and to send them out into their spheres of influence for the advancement of the gospel. Pray for a core team.  Most church planters will tell you that a "parachute plant"--going into an area and attempting to plant by yourself is REALLY difficult.  We are beginning to realize why they say that.  The harvest here in Astoria is plentiful, but the laborers are few.  So, please pray that the Lord of the harvest sends laborers into His harvest (Mt. 9:37-38).  Pray specifically for those who believe that God is calling them to join us here, but who are still looking for jobs.  Pray that the Lord would provide the resources for them to relocate to Astoria.  Pray also that the Lord would raise up other believers from churches around the country and from here in NYC to join us to take the gospel to this largely un-churched neighborhood. Some of you have already given generously, and others have asked about how you can partner with us financially. Currently, our sending church, The Church at Brook Hills, is handling all financial donations.  If God is leading you to give, you can do so by mailing your tax-deductible gift to:             The Church at Brook Hills             Attn: Jean Adams             3145 Brook Highland Parkway             Birmingham, AL 35242 Please make checks payable to The Church at Brook Hills and designate your gifts by writing“Northeast Church Plant” in the memo line.  If you would like to see our prospective budget, please contact us. Thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail.  We cannot express to you how valuable your prayers are to us. Blessings in Christ, josh and traci "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, now and forever. Amen" (Eph. 3:20-21)

No Consolation Prizes

You guys are so sweet!  Thanks for all the blog comments, Facebook comments, and private messages after the first part of this story posted.  

In case you aren’t already aware, it’s important to know that Josh and I have talked of our desire to adopt children since we were dating.  In fact, our plan was to foster/adopt our first child. We eventually realized that the timing of our move to NYC would keep us from completing the adoption process prior to leaving Alabama, so we began pursuing information about fostering and adopting in New York.  Still, we were many months away from having the NY residency that would allow us to begin that process.  The desire for a family (and the fact that my 30^th birthday was fast-approaching) led us to consider the possibility that our first child would be born, rather than adopted, into our family.

In fact, we told the fertility doctor at our very first visit that we weren’t desperate for a baby, that we knew we would be parents soon, whether through birth or adoption.  As the months passed and Clomid didn’t prove to be my Wonder Drug, I intentionally shifted my thoughts and emotions to becoming foster parents in NYC rather than conceiving a child.  I even told Josh that I believed the day I found out I was going to be a mother, it would come through a phone call from a social worker, not a positive pregnancy test.  I acknowledged to myself and others the possibility that I may never get to experience the womanly rite of passage that is pregnancy and child birth.  That possibility made me sad, and I knew I would always carry that sadness deep in my heart.  But the thing is, I’ve had other really disappointing things happen too, and I do carry that sadness in my heart still. But I also know that we live in a fallen world, and this is not the way it was meant to be.  And I can rejoice in anticipating the day when everything in this world will be made right.  I believe that our sadness and disappointment and unfulfilled longings are meant to remind us that this fallen life is a vapor and is quickly passing, and to cause our hearts to cry “Come quickly, Lord Jesus!”

(I think it’s important to note here that I know the privilege of mothering a child through adoption would certainly ease the ache that infertility left in my heart.  But I don’t think it’s as simple as thinking that once you are the mother of an adopted child, you forget all the longings to conceive a child.  Adopted children are not consolation prizes when God doesn’t allow you to conceive.  My heart desires that the Lord will create our family through both pregnancy and adoption.  Being pregnant now hasn’t made me stop thinking about adoption for the future, and I don’t think adopting a child would have made me forget my sorrow over infertility.  Call me spoiled, but I want to be a mother to both, and I don’t think it’s accurate to think that God answering half of my prayer for children would have made me stop praying the other half.  Please know that I’m not in any way saying that the love a mother has for the child she births is any greater than her love for the child she adopts.  End rabbit trail…)

I was quite proud of the emotional progress I had made in a year.  No more sobbing in my pillow.  No more obsessive testing days before it would even be possible to get a positive pregnancy test.  No more vivid dreams about finally seeing two lines appear.  So when the doctor laid out a plan that involved more intense fertility treatments in NYC, it didn’t take long for Josh and I to realize that wasn’t the path the Lord intended for us.  I told Josh that I didn’t want to pursue any more fertility treatments once we were in NY.  In my mind, when we closed the door in Birmingham, we would be closing the door of all things fertility-related as well.  We had a lot waiting for us in New York, and fertility concerns were something I intended to leave in Birmingham.  We had given it six months; we would always know we tried; and, still lacking any medical explanation, we knew it was still technically a possibility that could surprise us at any time.  In the meantime, we were moving in a few weeks and would begin the foster care process ASAP.

We finished our “last” month on Clomid, and I returned for one final visit to the fertility doctor the week after Thanksgiving…

A Really Honest Blog Post

Many thanks to everyone who has congratulated and wished us well on our “great expectation.”  We are thrilled, and also a little apprehensive about raising a child in this city.  Your prayers are much appreciated!

I’m almost through the first trimester, and, to be honest, it has been a challenging couple of months.  Sheer exhaustion has led me to set a daily goal to “Accomplish one thing.”  Some days the one thing is making dinner or cleaning the bathroom, but some days the only thing I accomplish is not throwing up.  Thankfully, the symptoms have definitely lessened over the last week, and we’re praying that trend continues as I bid the first trimester goodbye and welcome the second trimester with an enthusiastic hug!

I mentioned in this post that I was on a bit of an emotional roller coaster with some non-NYC issues in my life.  Most of our close friends are aware that Josh and I longed for this pregnancy for more than a year before the Lord saw fit to grant it to us.  I recently posted this picture and caption on Facebook:

 A New York souvenir for our little Alabama souvenir

The truth is: I secretly purchased that little Yankees hat on one of our first trips to the city.  We had just started trying to conceive, and I thought it would be the perfect gift to give Josh when I told him we were pregnant.  I had no idea how long it would sit in the back of my closet before it ever got to see the light of day again.

Our struggle with infertility wasn’t much of a surprise.  After all, my crazy body has left more than one doctor scratching his head, completely dumbfounded by one bizarre symptom or another.  But not being surprised by infertility doesn’t take away the intense hurt and disappointment.  There were some dark days in those first few months as I came to the reality that this wasn’t going to “just happen.”  

But those were also some really enlightening days.  I learned the painful truth about the idolatry of my heart and my childish sense of entitlement.  I also developed a better understanding of how my Father loves me because of the way Josh loved me during that time.  Without fail (and he would say “only by the grace of God”), Josh always knew exactly how I needed him to respond during my moments of grief.  There were plenty of times that all I wanted to do was curl up in our bed and sob.  Sometimes, especially initially, Josh would curl up with me and pray aloud for me or quote Scripture over me.  Other times, he would lovingly tell me that I would be getting up now.  This pity party was over.  But every time, whatever his response, it was exactly what I needed.  I’m so grateful for a husband who loves me as Christ loves His Church!

By May 2011 Josh and I were in agreement that it was time to start seeking some medical help to conceive a child.  My OBGYN had been asking for months if I’d like a prescription for Clomid, so a quick phone call and trip to the pharmacy later, I had my first round of fertility drugs in hand.  I finished my teaching contract at the end of that month and started taking Clomid the following week.

That month did not result in a pregnancy, and I was knocked back to Square One emotionally.  I really had high hopes that Clomid was the answer for us, one month was all it would take, and Voila!, we’d be pregnant.  That didn’t happen; I was devastated, which forced me to ask myself whether I was trusting in the Lord or a fertility drug to give me the child I wanted.

We completed two more months on Clomid before deciding we needed more in depth answers than what we were getting from my OBGYN.  We began seeing a fertility specialist in early September.  We underwent extensive testing, only to have every test come back completely normal.  The fertility doctor agreed that Clomid was the best option for us at this point, so we continued with it for two more months.  During an appointment with the doctor at the end of October, we talked about our options for the future.  He explained that the treatment protocol for Clomid is for the duration of 6 months.  Ninety percent of women who ever get pregnant on Clomid do so within 6 months, so the general thought is that after 6 months it’s time to move on to something else, namely in vitro or higher dosage injectable drugs.  He laid out the plan: take one more month of Clomid to complete the 6 months, move to NY and transfer to an associate of his in the city, possibly some laparoscopic surgery, begin higher dosage drugs.

Josh and I discussed it that evening and decided that the plan the doctor had detailed was not the plan for us.  Instead we formulated a plan of our own…

NYC Newsletter #9

Greetings from NYC, where it was a balmy 63 degrees today!  We have had an exciting first month here in NYC and wanted to try to share a few of the things that God has been doing over our short time here: First, as many of you are already aware, we recently found out that we are expecting our first child!  We are so thankful that the Lord has heard our prayers.  Please pray for Traci as she deals with the physical adjustment to carrying a child as well as the adjustment to life here in NYC.  Pray that the Lord would prepare us to raise this child well for His glory. I have been meeting with and learning from pastors and church planters from all over NYC.  It is absolutely amazing to see what God is doing in this city.  This past Friday evening, we gathered together with over 700 other believers in Manhattan to unite our hearts and voices in worship and to cry out for God's Kingdom to come in New York as it is in heaven.  It was pretty astounding to see hundreds of New Yorkers, many of them in the 20's and 30's, devoting a Friday evening to turn away from the fool's gold that is offered them in this city to seek the immeasurable treasure that is Christ Himself.  One of the other pastors who planned the event captured a shot of us all joining hands in prayer at the end of the night: To follow up on this last point, I am tremendously grateful for the other pastors that I have met here in the city.  I meet with a group of pastors and church leaders to pray every Wednesday at noon.  I have never seen such Kingdom-minded unity and lack of territorialism in all my life.  Please pray for these brothers and the ministries that they lead.  Pray that God would advance the gospel through them and pray that we would continue to be united around that gospel. Specifically, we would ask you to pray that the churches of NYC would have places to meet.  There are over 60 churches presently meeting in public schools in NYC.  If a current court ruling is permitted to stand, all of these churches will be evicted from their meeting spaces on February 12.  Some of these churches have found other meeting spaces, but I talked to a couple of pastors today who are still looking for space.  This is a lengthy discussion that I will probably write more about at another time  However, I would commend to you this article written by my friend John Starke, who pastors All Souls Church on the Upper West Side.  As you pray, pray with confidence, remembering that Jesus Christ has promised to build his church and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it (Mt. 16:18). How can you pray specifically for us over the next month? We continue to feel more and more in need of God's grace each and every day.  And yet, we are confident that our God is All-Powerful, and All-Wise, and All-Good.  Here are some ways that you can pray for us this month: Pray that we continue to develop deep, meaningful relationships with our neighbors.  We continue to meet people in our immediate neighborhood and in the broader community, but we are asking God to give us deeper friendships with people.  Pray that God would give us opportunities to display and declare the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Pray also that we would be faithful to live the kind of lives that cause people to ask a reason for the hope that is within us (1 Pet. 3:15). Pray that we would continue to develop relationships...and possibly partnerships...with other churches and church planters in NYC.  As I mentioned above, one of the things that we love about NYC is the ethos of unity and Kingdom-mindedness that pervades the gospel-preaching churches in this city.  Pray that God would create more and more opportunities for us to work with these other churches for the advancement of the gospel. Pray for "persons of peace."  In Luke 10, Jesus sends his disciples out to proclaim the Kingdom of God.  If a "son of peace" received them, they were to stay and invest in that person, but if not, they were to move on (Lk. 10:6-7).  When Paul proclaimed the gospel in Philippi (Acts 16), we find that the the Holy Spirit led him to both a "daughter of peace" (Lydia) and a "son of peace" (the Philippian jailer).  Both Lydia and the jailer not only became converts, but immediately used their networks of relationships to spread the gospel to others.  Likewise, we are asking the Lord to lead us to men and women of peace, to "open their hearts" to the gospel (Acts 16:14), to use us to invest in them, and to send them out into their spheres of influence for the advancement of the gospel. Pray for a core team.  Most church planters will tell you that a "parachute plant"--going into an area and attempting to plant by yourself is REALLY difficult.  We are beginning to realize why they say that.  The harvest here in Astoria is plentiful, but the laborers are few.  So, please pray that the Lord of the harvest sends laborers into His harvest (Mt. 9:37-38).  Pray specifically for those who believe that God is calling them to join us here, but who are still looking for jobs.  Pray that the Lord would provide the resources for them to relocate to Astoria.  Pray also that the Lord would raise up other believers from churches around the country and from here in NYC to join us to take the gospel to this largely un-churched neighborhood. In addition, please remember to pray for these ongoing requests: Pray for our personal holiness and faithfulness to the gospel Pray that we would have wisdom to know how to lead well   Pray that God might open door for the gospel and that we might proclaim it boldly, as we ought (Col. 4:2-4) Pray that God would provide the necessary financial resources for our ministry expenses Some of you have already given generously, and others have asked about how you can partner with us financially. Currently, our sending church, The Church at Brook Hills, is handling all financial donations.  If God is leading you to give, you can do so by mailing your tax-deductible gift to:             The Church at Brook Hills             Attn: Jean Adams             3145 Brook Highland Parkway             Birmingham, AL 35242 Please make checks payable to The Church at Brook Hillsand designate your gifts by writing “Northeast Church Plant” in the memo line.  If you would like to see our prospective budget, please contact us. Thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail.  We cannot express to you how valuable your prayers are to us. Blessings in Christ, josh and traci "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, now and forever. Amen" (Eph. 3:20-21)

Progress

As Josh mentioned in the latest newsletter, a few long-time friends came to visit last week.  They worked their tails off, and I'm still amazed at all they were able to accomplish.

I'm planning to share more details of some of their projects in future posts.  But I wanted to give you a quick photo update of the progress.

Bedroom before:

Bedroom after:

Living Room before:

Living Room after:

Somehow, I can't find a before of the bathroom, but you can see it in this video.  

Bathroom after:

I'm waiting for my kitchen island to arrive next week, so I'll post kitchen pictures then.  And there aren't any pictures of Josh's office because, well, that's where we've been tossing everything that doesn't have a home yet.

NYC Newsletter #8

Email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. Wow, what a month! I usually try to send out an update at the beginning of the month, but to be honest, this is the first opportunity we have had to catch our breath.  The past month has been a whirlwind, but in the midst of changes (or even in times of upheaval), our God remains a Rock and a Fortress (Ps. 46). We have been immensely blessed over the past month to have moved out of our apartment in Birmingham, the first apartment Traci and I ever lived in together, and to have moved into our new place in Astoria.  Our belongings made it to Astoria mostly intact (a story in itself), and the majority of it is out of boxes.  In sum, our apartment is beginning to look less like a storage unit and more like an actual place of residence.  Traci has been chronicling our journey to NYC on her blog and has posted some videos to give you a glimpse of what moving day looked like here at the Stahley household.  You can view the videos and keep up with her insights throughout this journey at: newnormal-newyork.blogspot.com We were also greatly encouraged and blessed to have four of Traci's long-time friends, all members of a small group from The Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, with us for a few days.  These ladies jumped in and served in whatever way they could as we got acclimated to our new life here.  Their servant hearts are a testimony to the gospel.  In a place like NYC, where people tend to live terribly isolated lives, there is something strangely beautiful and radically counter-cultural about the love that brothers and sisters in Christ show for one another. How can you pray for us over the next month? We continue to feel more and more in need of God's grace each and every day.  And yet, we are confident that our God is All-Powerful, and All-Wise, and All-Good.  So, here are some ways that you can confidently pray to our loving Father on our behalf this month: Pray that we can develop deep, meaningful relationships with our neighbors.  We have met nearly all of the residents of our building, but we are asking the Lord to give us real friendships with them and open doors for the gospel.  Pray that God would open our eyes to ways that we can tangibly love and serve our neighbors. Pray that we would continue to develop relationships...and possibly partnerships...with other churches and church planters in NYC.  One of the things that we love about NYC is the ethos of unity and Kingdom-mindedness that pervades the gospel-preaching churches in this city.  We realize that in a metro area of over 20 million people, where we are a tiny minority, we need to work together for the advancement of the gospel.  Pray that God would create more and more opportunities for us to work with these other churches for the advancement of the gospel. Pray for "persons of peace."  In Luke 10, Jesus sends his disciples out to proclaim the Kingdom of God.  If a "son of peace" received them, they were to stay and invest in that person, but if not, they were to move on (Lk. 10:6-7).  When Paul proclaimed the gospel in Philippi (Acts 16), we find that the the Holy Spirit led him to both a "daughter of peace" (Lydia) and a "son of peace" (the Philippian jailer).  Both Lydia and the jailer not only became converts, but immediately used their networks of relationships to spread the gospel to others.  Likewise, we are asking the Lord to lead us to men and women of peace, to "open their hearts" to the gospel (Acts 16:14), to use us to invest in them, and to send them out into their spheres of influence for the advancement of the gospel.   In addition, please remember to pray for these ongoing requests: Pray for our personal holiness and faithfulness to the gospel Pray that God would assemble the church planting team that He wants to send to NYC to advance the gospel Pray that God would provide jobs and other necessary resources to enable our team members to relocate to Astoria Pray that God would grant wisdom to those who are considering moving to NYC.  Pray that they would know whether this is, in fact, where God is leading them. Pray that we would have wisdom to know how to lead well   Pray that God might open door for the gospel and that we might proclaim it boldly, as we ought (Col. 4:2-4) Pray that God would provide the necessary financial resources for our ministry expenses Some of you have already given generously, and others have asked about how you can partner with us financially. Currently, our sending church, The Church at Brook Hills, is handling all financial donations.  If God is leading you to give, you can do so by mailing your tax-deductible gift to:             The Church at Brook Hills             Attn: Jean Adams             3145 Brook Highland Parkway             Birmingham, AL 35242 Please make checks payable to The Church at Brook Hills and designate your gifts by writing“Northeast Church Plant” in the memo line.  If you would like to see our prospective budget, please contact us. Thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail.  We cannot express to you how valuable your prayers are to us. Blessings in Christ, josh and traci "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, now and forever. Amen" (Eph. 3:20-21)

Moving Day: Before and After

Thank you all who have checked in on us over the past few weeks.  We are doing well and loving life in NYC!  

We are happy to say that our apartment has come a long way in the last two weeks, especially the last four days.  (More about that soon!)  But we thought it would be fun to show you the transformation that took place on moving day.  Enjoy!

Before the truck arrived:

After the truck left: