The above statement is true, but so are the following statements:
If any other option had existed, I would have taken it. I hated every minute of it. When no one but my husband was in the room, I begged for a Cesarean. Labor was harder than I thought it would be, and I'm pretty sure I don't ever want to do it again.
(But in the same breath... Owen was more worth it than I can explain. It's been six months, and I still can't believe that I did that. At least once a week, I look at Josh and say, "Remember when I gave birth? That's pretty crazy, huh?"
I'm still wrapping my mind around the details of how it all unfolded and processing my emotions from that day. "Owen's Birth Story" is a draft at this point- a draft that will hopefully be published this week, seeing as he is 6 months old today and all.)
So this is an unorganized blog post that is really lacking clarity at this point. But here's what I need to say:
I gave birth to an eight-and-a-half pound baby without an epidural... solely by the grace of God. Truly. And not in the sense that "God's grace empowered me to do it." I wasn't empowered. I was at my absolute weakest. It was the grace of God that my body just did what it was supposed to do
I read a lot (A LOT) to prepare myself for a natural labor and delivery. One of the most helpful things I read was an article that compared labor, medicated or not, to white-water rafting. Having braved the rapids a few times, that comparison resonated with me. The analogy illustrated that a woman in labor doesn't control the course of labor any more than a rafter controls the currents of the river. In both cases though, there are ample tools one may implement to help in navigating the turbulence. A wise rafter may enlist the knowledge of a guide or map, the support of a team, the security of a helmet and life vest, and the help of an oar.
Being a bit of a "Resource Hoarder," I wanted as many tools as I could gather in my arsenal for labor. We hired an amazing doula early in my pregnancy. As mentioned earlier, I spent an insane number of hours reading books, blogs, and articles about labor and delivery. Josh lovingly read books and articles to prepare himself to be my partner in this process. I thoroughly investigated hospitals and doctors before making a decision about where to deliver. We took TWO birthing classes (one with our doula and one with the hospital). We toured the hospital. We watched the videos. We practiced positions, breathing, and massage. I exercised
But did it even make a difference? I'm not convinced.
I could list for you more than a handful of friends who have recently delivered their babies via C-section. They were in better physical health than me. They had determined to deliver naturally. They carefully chose their doctor, read all the same books, took all the same classes, had the same plan. But I had a natural delivery, and they had C-sections.
Why? I don't know.
But it reminds me to thank God again for His kindness toward me, and it knocks the wind right out of my prideful sails.
